Journey to Promethea (2010)

Now Billy Zane has slipped down the greasy pole a bit since his days of “Tombstone” but I think this might even see him at depths as yet not reached by the real, rusting, “Titanic”. He is the ruthless and nasty king “Laypach” whom, folklore has decreed, can only be deposed by a wimpish farm lad who is secretly the grandson of the last great king of “Promethea”. Enter said drippy “Magnus” (Sam Murphy) who knows of his own provenance and so sets off to free his people from tyranny. To be honest, this guy couldn’t beat an egg, but fortunately he encounters the strapping “Ari” (Louis Herthum) and with him quickly learning the ropes and with the king’s soldiers possessing the fighting skills of Swiss kindergarteners, he edges ever closer to the throne. To be fair to auteur Dan Garcia, he at least had some imagination for this project, but the execution is dreadful. Permanent home-video style soft-focus, shockingly bad acting, lots of squeaky voices and shiny faces and some really quite risible writing makes eighty minutes feel much, much, longer. It can’t have had much cash behind it and the CGI effects do it few favours either, but all of that could have been forgiven if Garcia had just spent five minutes more on characterisations and five weeks less on the ropey visuals. It must have been made for someone, but who…?