Primitive War (2025)

Is the Vietnam war the most fun setting to be an actor? Racism! Murder! One-liners! Also, the Russians are back, baby! I would like to have seen Crowe revisit his accent, perhaps as Tolstoy, but these Russians are good.

I really enjoyed the top 40 of this. I was flying high on the equisite blend of terrible and fun within this adventure. All good things must come to an endtimes and the movie struggles to innovate fun over the following 90. Pretty much everything except the baddest Russian come out within the first 40 and after the cold war and now uhhh the new order, Russian baddies are hard to innovate. This also follows the recent trend to paint Russians as Nazis. The Nazis were German, right? I guess Russian nazis make sense as Putin is a guy who doesn't speak English as a first language.

The tunnel scene really worked for me. Jumping mini dinosaurs, long chin-cam close-ups topped off by a one-liner, and a constant barrage of bullet sounds. All the individual scenes make no sense when we pull back to a pile of dudes firing at weird angles with super imposed dinosaurs directly in the line of fire just jumping or looking at them.

The donk when the T-rex snaps is worth the wait.

Dare I say, this was more entertaining than that awful Monster Hunter live-action movie, and most of the Jurassic movies.

There are, of course, some really stupid moments, like Keyes not remembering that when the little murder turkeys run away, it means a bigger murder turkey is lurking, but hot dayum, the reveal of big murder turkey was gruesomly awesome, and the two giant murder turkeys tearing !@#$ up at the end was just the best a dinosaur lover could ask for.

This might just be one of my favorite dinosaur movies!