#Horror (2015)

This could easy rate as one of the biggest piles of cowshit I have ever seen in my entire life. Saying this consider Chloë Sevigny is in this is quite the statement as she’s one of my favourite actresses of all time. In her defence - she gave as much to her role as possible and it didn’t really set her up with a fighting chance.
The movie starts with Chloë Sevigny’s husband cheating on her so I instantly hate this film as who the fuck would cheat on her?! Answer is nobody, not one person who is deemed as sane, ever. Her part is minor in this unfortunately for my eyes and the purpose of distracting me from how dire the movie is.

The film is focusing on a group of bratty 12 year olds who you immediately hate and want to die. Within 5 minutes I was praying for some machete yielding manic to come and hack them all to pieces - don’t judge me for saying that until you’ve watched this the entire way through. They’re all bullying eachother with obvious insults such as the fat girls weight, such imagination. They’re having a sleepover and the one who’s invited the new girl they talk about as though she’s a saint but as the movie progresses she’s actually bat shit insane and don’t recall her saying one nice word so not quite sure what happened with that slight deviation of the character traits. The Mother (blessed Chloë) leaves them with free reign of the huge house, alcohol collection and her millions of pounds worth of jewellery to try on. The maid has disappeared to god knows where and apparently nobody thought to keep her in for when the group of 12 year olds are going to be flying solo. At one point and I shit you not they’re all posing with a gun and uploaded it to Facebook like #lookatme diediediediediediedie.

They all decided to stick to bullying two of the girls and tell one she has to leave. The rest act as though they’re terrified of this notion for some reason but she eventually runs into the local woods and thank fuck as she was getting on my tits. Her Dad is screening her calls which I completely understand as if that thing belonged to me I would be doing exactly the same if she tried to contact me. “I can’t even see right now wahhhhh” Shut up it’s fucking daylight you ridiculous little gonk.
As the 12 year olds are getting white girl wasted, lost girls Daddy comes and has a complete melt down which isn’t scary in the slightest it just makes you raise your eyebrows a bit as to how bad is this actually going to get, absent mindedly moving the mouse to see how long is left of this garbage. It’s impressive how many times “you should go and kill yourself” is said. One time is actually from wandering brats Father to the children inside the house. Again, sort of agree.
There’s some art on the wall which the camera moves to a few times which looks like Marilyn Monroe with an egg replacing her face and when the camera is on that, the yolk rotates. I have no idea what the relevance of this is.
I DON’’T UNDERSTAND THE RELEVANCE OF THE ENTIRE FUCKING MOVIE.
BAD.
2/10 - one for Chloë Sevigny and one for Natasha Lyonne featuring a small part.