Beowulf (1999)

What could have possessed the "Highlander" himself to participate in this nonsense? Based (very) loosely on the old poem, this tries to modernise the story (it even features tannoy speakers) and give it a contemporary feel - though still using the costumes and weapons of the original time. Our eponymous hero rescues a maiden then takes refuge with Oliver Cotton's "Hrothgar" in his fortress - only for them all to be attacked and brutally picked off by the shape-shifting "Grendel" - a sort of "Puff" the magic dragon type effect with a gravelly voice.... The production and visuals aren't the worst, but the very heavily made-up Lambert - sporting a peroxide coiffure, and the terribly wooden Rhona Mitra ("Kyra") ensure that this film positively groans as it lumbers along. The soundtrack appears to have found a mind of it's own - and what dialogue there is adds virtually nothing to the "we all do what we have to do" style storyline. Whatever you do, stick around for the end - it's hilarious! This film is a shocking waste of good source material that really isn't anyone's finest work.