The Falklands Play (2002)

Recently, there have been a spate of singularly poor dramas about historical figures from the British Isles - "Mary, Queen of Scots" (2018), "Robert, the Bruce" (2019) being two of the least agreeable - but this takes that low benchmark and throws it under the bus (or chariot). Anyone expecting a battle-fest featuring this famously brave and courageous Queen leading loads of people in woad fighting off the fearsome Roman Legions is in for an huge disappointment. You will possibly have seen bloodier battles on a rugby field - indeed, what action there is seemed more about whether our as yet only teenage Boudica was going to be seduced by a deserting Roman legionnaire impersonating, well, who really cares. I'm afraid that this is just dreadful - the sort of film you would be proud of your kids making at college, but deserving of no more than that. The production quality is adequate, and actually the technical aspects - costumes, wattle huts etc., are adequate too - but the acting, dialogue and the whole pace of the thing makes you ever grateful that it's just 80 minutes long... Avoid, you know you want to.