The Three Musketeers (2023)

The recent BBC television serial was poor, but at least they threw some cash at the costumes and the locations. This is just terrible, full stop! I am usually a fan of veteran Scots actor James Cosmo, but here - in the guise of the scheming French Cardinal Richelieu, he really is a poisson sans de l'eau. His manoeuvring to take power causes the Musketeers to be disbanded. Fortunately, "Porthos" (David O'Mahony), "Athos" (Ben Freeman) and "Aramis" (Jake J, Meniani) team up with enthusiastic rookie "D'Artagnan" (Malachi Pullar-Latchman) to retell the story of bravery and loyalty in the face of overwhelming odds. Not only must they protect the king (Tim Taplin) from the evil Cardinal, his henchman "Rochefort" (James Oliver Wheatley) and the devious "Milady" (Preeya Kalidas) but they must also explain to us just why we would want to waste one hundred whole minutes of our lives on the poorly directed, weakly scripted school college project. Christopher Cook brings the only relief, really, as he scored the closing titles on this no-budget drama that has been created and presented with a minimum of imagination and even less acting talent. Nope, straight to a streamer for the 4am slot.