Teeth (2008)

Girls have a natural modesty.

Teeth is based around the myth of vagina dentate, where it was believed that in some ladies a set of teeth were hiding away in their vagina. The lady in question here is Dawn O’Keefe (Jess Wexler), a comely virgin, teenage spokesperson for Christian abstinence, from a very young age it was clear something was not right.

A great and interesting premise is never truly fulfilled for maximum potential here, but with slices of dark humour, some cringe inducing prosthetic gore and a bold performance from Wexler, Mitchell Lichtenstein’s film safely keeps its head above mediocrity.

The makers are dallying with a number of unsubtle themes, from female empowerment to the fear of sex in general, and of course the perils of letting shallow hormones dictate the teenage mandate. There’s even dashes of obsession, religio slights and a meditation on grief that earths the electricity buzzing about the hormonal place.

Thankfully, Lichtenstein keeps away from I Spit On Your Grave territory, finding a nice balance for Dawn, she is a character bombarded with a myriad of emotional conflicts, but hysteria does not dominate her make-up, and she’s never cartoonish either. View it more as a genre splicer than outright horror and better rewards await the interested observer. 6/10

"Dawn" (Jess Wiexler) is your pure as the driven snow American girl who has sworn a vow of chastity until her wedding night. That might not happen for a few years but at the moment the prime candidate is her fellow virgin "Tobey" (Hale Appleman). With their teenage hormones raging, can they hold out? Well a trip to the lake for some swimming then a blanket-huddle in cave afterwards would suggest not - though almost immediately poor old "Tobey" wishes he'd kept his pants on and she is heading to the doctor to find out just what happened. When the doctor also ends up on the operating table we are faced with the indisputable truth. She has been landed with an ancient Egyptian or Persian or Roman curse that is going to make sex a very dangerous thing for the bloke! Rather entertainingly, though, she decides that this could actually be put to good use - and her obnoxious brother "Brad" (John Hensley) might just get a taste of her newly found medicine. Aside from watching it with your legs crossed - regardless of which sex you are - this is mildly entertaining in a squirmy sort of fashion. Weixler is clearly having some fun and it's nice to see the men doing all the hysterical screaming for a change. I doubt I'd ever bother watching it again, but I didn't hate it, and neither did the dog!