Adam and Eve (1983)

This is quite a fun hybrid of “The Blue Lagoon” meets the “Lost World” via a loose interpretation of the Book of Genesis. “Adam” (Mark Gregory) isn’t really enjoying his idyllic life in paradise all on his lonesome, so rather creatively moulds his own version of a woman in the sand on the beach. Nope, no ribs required - just rain and next thing we have “Eve” (Andrea Goldman) and the pair are exploring their world together. Of course, she discovers a penchant for fruit, and that doesn’t go down so well with their heavenly creator so banished from Eden they are into a desert where the sun has lost it’s heat and where “Adam” takes the first recorded example of an huff. It’s only when they are huddled under some furs in a snow storm that God relents a little, but that also means that they encounter some other human beings who are fascinated by what they are wearing under their loincloths (just why the only two people on Earth would bother to create vanity clothing isn’t entirely clear given we’d already seen pretty much all there is to see). Amidst the warring tribes that they meet is the formidable warrior “Bearkiller” (Ángel Alcázar) who takes a bit of a shine to “Eve” and well, you can use your imagination for the next bit. The million pebble question is, though, will the original biblical couple ever get back together? No, it is pretty terrible, but it can’t have had much of a budget and at least the actors throwing their boulders, spears and somersaults do enter into the spirit of things with some acrobatic fight scenes and papier-mâché power lifting. Luckily, there isn’t a great deal of dialogue for us to worry about as both directors take us on a journey through the early antics of their adventures through an hungry and unforgiving world and, as usual, it illustrates quite clearly that when the Old Testament God is fed up, he is most definably not a kindly, benevolent, being.