Deathstalker (1983)

OK. Man flu - that's my only excuse. Stuck in bed feeling like death warmed up, I thought this looked a bit like "Conan" and as mindless fun was in order I gave it a go. Well, it's certainly a bit like "Conan" and a bit like countless other films as we see the eponymous hero (Rick Hill - surely a porn name?) sent on a quest. He must retrieve a sword from a witch and then challenge the evil sorcerer "Munkar" (Bernhard Erhard) for possession of a chalice and an amulet that give him astonishing powers. Only when he has all three can he destroy them and bring peace to the Kingdom. What now ensues is actually quite fun. No, not good - not even nearly good, but he parades around in his leather trousers whilst director James Sbardellati waves scantily clad female warriors, dancers and mud wrestlers in his face. Needless to say his leather clothing has been super glued to his body, but the girls - well they might as well be wearing crepe paper. Anyway, there isn't the slightest degree of jeopardy here as our hero slowly, but surely, earns the right to win the "Big Tournament" (think Wimbledon with a mace and chain). "Munkar" belongs in a Hammer/"Carry-On" film, exuding all the menace of a butterfly and the acting, well that is universally as bad as the writing. It does have the benefit of being mercifully quite short, but really - I can't wait for the sequel!