Terror Tales (2016)

One of the aspects I most enjoy about horror anthologies is that they are like fighters who know they can't go the distance. Instead of a long drawn out match they attack with a flurry of blows from the bell; going for a K.O. As fast as one match is over the next one starts. What if the film makers think they have twelve rounds in them? Full of themselves they know they can go the distance. But like the tales they tell, it is all make believe.

An unnamed lunatic (Christopher Showerman) has taken a family hostage at gunpoint. The mother and daughter are tied up in a booby trapped trailer attached to a pick up truck. Dear old dad rides shotgun as the crazed driver passes the miles by telling three alleged tales of terror. There's no point to any of the stories being told. None of it relates in any manner to the captive audience and his predicament. The lunatic just likes to hear the sound of his own voice. Yes, we have a wrap around story.

And our three tales. Tales that are so uninteresting, dragged out and poorly edited that they aren't worth mentioning. I was fast forwarding like a fiend only to seemingly end up where I started. That's how poorly written and edited this film is. Minutes pass where nothing happens. There's no back story. No character study. No depth. Only actors milling about cheap sets and locations spouting inane dialogue.

Did I mention this thing runs two hours?

The only plus that kept me from turning off TERROR TALES and watching a blank screen instead is the cast. Some how the film makers were able to rope in actors we horror fiends grew up watching; Felissa Rose (SLEEPAWAY CAMP), Lynn Lowry (THE CRAZIES), Ari Lehman (FRIDAY THE 13TH), and Laurene Landon (MANIAC COP). Fill in the remaining characters with working class actors with extensive credits and on paper TERROR TALES should have been worth a watch. Sadly, no.

Stay away. Do not watch. Avoid like the plague. Achtung! Boredom ahead.

Does anyone want to buy a copy of this on DVD for cheap?