Seize Them! (2024)

Does anyone remember "Boudica" (2019)? Well this is in the same sort of vein but a little better. "Dagan" (Aimee Lou Wood) is the hated queen of a realm that is being taken over by the woman-of-the-people who is "Humble Joan" (Nicola Coughlan doing her best Jeanette Krankie impersonation) who has discovered the power of gunpowder. Luckily for the overthrown queen, she has one loyal servant and she - "Shulmay (Lolly Adefope) has her head screwed on well enough to get them to safety. Then it's a trek 140 miles to the sea where they are to meet the queen's foreign relatives who have apparently promised military aide. En route they encounter the nice-but-dim "Bobik" (Nick Frost) and have some adventures staying one step ahead of the pursuing turncoat "Leofwine" (Jessica Hynes) and avoiding potential betrayal in every village where people would happily turn them in for the 200 pieces of silver reward. This might have done better as an half hour comedy sketch, but stretching it out for ninety minutes was a mistake. There's nowhere near enough substance in either the script nor the characterisations to sustain it for that long. Wood is quite funny for the first five minutes as the stroppy and spoilt woman with the legendary perfect feet and a crown, but there's only so much toilet humour I can be bothered with before I start to look around the cinema at others doing the same. There's a little very black comedy at the end but by then I was largely disinterested. It's a film for the television on a dark night after a few beers when you've got some mates in. As a piece of stand-alone cinema, even with what must have been a pretty shoestring budget, it's a bit puerile and really quite disappointing.